Sorting Out Affairs After The Funeral (2007-02-09)
After the funeral, there were lots of things to organize. Bills had to be calculated, debts had to be paid and KL's mom's financial matters had to be sorted out. Since my mother-in-law was pretty much in a vegetative state for the last two years before she passed away, she left no instruction on how to deal with her affairs. No one even knows if all her bank accounts were accounted for. There wouldn't be any money left in her accounts, but at least we should close them for closure.
KL's sister found two keys presumably for safety deposit
boxes. We didn't know for sure if my mother-in-law had put her
children's
names on them because if she hadn't, none of us would ever be able to
open them. But KL's brother was pretty sure his name was on one
of the boxes so he gave
his details to the bank and fortunately he was correct.
His mother did put
his name on one of the two boxes. After he retrieved the stuff in
the box, we left the bank and thought that was it. Nobody
including KL had even the slightest inkling that his name might also be
registered on the other box so it never once crossed his mind to give
his
name to
the bank clerk to check (Duh!). It wasn't
until we were in a diner later discussing what to do next did KL
suddenly recall
going inside a vault and seeing some safety deposit boxes when he was a
child. "My Gosh! I'd seen them before which means I went
inside which means my name's also on the register!" We hurried
back to the bank and KL gave his HK ID card number to the clerk and
BAM, his name was indeed on the other box! He emptied out the
content which included some cash and jewelry.
The cash they retrieved didn't quite cover the fees accumulated to
rent the boxes over the years but it certainly helped a lot.
Besides, there was some gold jewelry in the two boxes which we sold to
a very well-known jewelry shop (Chow Dai Fook) to help with the funeral
expenses. There were also a good handful of diamond rings and
jade in our discovery which was under the care of KL's sister for the
time being.
If my mother-in-law had a list of everything she owned, we would not
have to run around town trying to figure out what she had. She
did have a will drawn up ages ago which she later abrogated.
There would have been a list of all her
bank accounts in it, but we ran out of time to track down that
will. The funeral cost was more complicated and took more time to
sort out than we first thought. A good amount of time was spent
among the siblings going over the numerous items incurred in the
funeral.
The lesson I've learned from this experience is to update our will
and sort everything before we die to make it easy for those who need to
handle our affairs. But affairs are all that person(s) will be
doing, not funeral. I've made the decision long ago that funeral
is not for me and going to my mother-in-law's just confirmed my
decision. The event is like putting on a show for the living that
benefits not a second for the deceased (me). The large number of
beautiful flowers that get displayed for a day (or two) and then dumped
is so against my belief of not wasting things. I'd be turning in
the grave if I saw that happening in my funeral. I'd be so much
happier to see KL (assuming I die before him) use the money to go
travel or eat many many good meals or buy computer stuff or woo the
next woman instead of spending it on my funeral.
I've told KL that after I die, he should donate whatever parts of my
body
he feels comfortable donating to the hospital and cremate the rest and
sprinkle the ashes in the ocean or use it as fertilizer in any
garden. And absolutely and positively no funeral for me.
Please take note that I wrote this post with a sound mind.
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